If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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