nut hugger
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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