Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
