too bad you live with your parents still
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize