what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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