Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
