So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just puked most of my soul out..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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