btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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