Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
