Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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