How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
