It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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