i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
