Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
