also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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