I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Randomize
