I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
