don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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