no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
