Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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