Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
