I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
