Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up under a house in Key West
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
