I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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