Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize