If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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