We won't sleep together?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
