Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
