I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
