I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
