Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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