Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
