i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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