some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
oh god the rape fog is back!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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