remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
