im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
