In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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