Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
