I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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