I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
