went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
