True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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