I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
