you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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