It's Friday. Sex?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
