True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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