i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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