man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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