My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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