just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We need to get me chipped asap
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize