I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
