dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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