Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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