4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
