..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
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isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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