The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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