I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
