nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
