Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
