Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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