gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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