I CAN MOONWALK!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The struggles of a small town man whore
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
