Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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