we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
