You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
