Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
