One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
