i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
