For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
