sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
my poor anus
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
