i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
