u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
