Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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