It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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