what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Michael Bay diarrhea
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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