I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
