i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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