were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
