what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
