Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
